Accepting what is

We are far more comfortable in a state of fear than in a place of joy and acceptance, which means it feels very unsafe to let go and trust.

One of the most difficult things we find in life is to practice acceptance of what is. In this article I will shine a light on what it really means, why we find it so difficult, why it is so healing to allow acceptance and give you techniques so you trust the flow of life and create the peace and ease you desire.

What is acceptance?

Acceptance is the ability to be present with uncomfortable experiences, situations or people just as they are - without trying to change things, push them away or hang on to them. This might feel like you’re giving up or excusing a situation, but this is not so. Acceptance is not resignation.

Let me give you an example. You’re unwell and need help to get better: Acceptance would be you being aware that you have health concerns and doing what you need to do in order to get the support, treatment and care you need. Resignation would be awareness you’re not well, but waiting for it to get worse and not doing anything about it, feeling like you have no control over the situation.

Why do we find it difficult to practice acceptance?

Life continually bombards us with experiences from the outside world stoking fear or anxiety in us. BIG things going on - pandemics, wars, crimes, atrocities, dramatic news stories filling the airwaves, as well as things closer to us - tricky situations, people in our day to day lives or thoughts or feelings that we believe just won’t shift. We struggle to practice acceptance because we are hardwired to try and control situations so ultimately we feel safe. However, the more we try and force an outcome, tightening our grip, the more this fuels feelings of disempowerment, frustration, stress, anxiety, anger and fear that we can’t keep control.

Humans are driven by the ego (the unevolved subconscious part of the brain which runs on delusions of fear, judgment, separation and potential attack). We learned to rely on fear as a way of protecting ourselves, because this ensured our survival. Feeling in control creates feelings of safety and security with no nasty surprises. It feels unnatural to let things naturally take their course - it’s unpredictable, different and unfamiliar, which feels extremely threatening to your ancient brain. I know it sounds ridiculous but your subconscious doesn’t know the difference between a modern day stress and a real threat to your life. Any form of change is perceived as something dangerous so we’d rather try and control it. We are far more comfortable in a state of fear than in a place of joy and acceptance, which means it feels very unsafe to let go and trust things will all work out.

The problem is when we try and control things, fight what’s going on - we are resisting life’s flow. Instead, it’s hard work, feels a struggle, in the energy of fear, so it’s impossible to create happiness and ease we crave.

When we resist, you’re pushing away joy and ease so this is what we have to release, because you will never feel truly happy when you live from this place.

The opposite to all of this is to practice acceptance of what is. Instead of you choose to release control of what you can’t and focus on what you can, and trust that all is working out for your highest good. I DO understand that this can be a challenging and learnt practice. We struggle to put faith or power into something because we can’t see it. Let’s be honest, it’s a DAILY practice to let go of resistance and control.

The benefits to practicing acceptance

When you accept what is, even the really challenging things in life, you release yourself from the fear and your ego. Real life is always going to throw curve balls at you - hello life! Knowing this means you can release stress and anxiety. Instead of being reactive, you let go and be mindful, you become a responder, an observer of situations, being curious of what’s happening, no longer attaching negative emotion and trust it will all work out. This is a powerful place to be, because you’re making choices from a higher place of awareness and no longer driven by what’s going on externally. When you practice acceptance, you are creating an inner world of peace, flow and happiness instead of the external world dictating how you feel.

Techniques to Practice Acceptance

Choose to stay present

Instead of being reactive, choose to remind yourself that the only moment that is happening right now is the present. When you live in the energy of the future, you’re trying to control something not in your control and this is the cause of your anxiety and stress.

The easiest way to do this is to concentrate on your breathing so you ground yourself and bring yourself back to what’s actually happening, not what you’re telling yourself will happen.

With eyes closed, focus all your attention on your breathing and deeply inhale and exhale 5 times. As you breathe in, say to yourself worlds such as I breathe in peace, acceptance, trust, safety, happiness. As you breathe out and let go, say words such as I release stress, overwhelm, fear, anxiety to slowly but deliberately calm down your nervous system.

Self Awareness

In that split second moment, when you’re about to react, STOP, and practice some self awareness. Recognise what’s going on. Ask, why do I feel triggered? Why do I feel out of control? Why is this familiar to me? Why do I give it meaning and what feelings are coming up in me? Is what I’m telling myself true? Then, break the pattern - do something completely different - put on some music, dance, jump and down, go for a walk to stop the automatic reaction. The more you do this and dare to practice awareness, you’ll discover the root to why you are so triggered and realise this is just perception and not true.

Daily Intentions

On your fridge, on your phone, anywhere where you can flood your awareness, place a daily intention of practising acceptance. Simple intentions such as “I choose to practice acceptance”, “It is safe to let go of situations out of my control”, “I trust it is all working out for my highest good”. “Feeling joy and peace is ok”, “It is safe to release control”, “I open myself to practising acceptance”, “Everything is always working out”, “It is safe to let go”. Keep repeating it like a mantra until this becomes your new belief. This is like a giant reset for your brain.

What you resist, persists

The brain thrives on negativity, so remind yourself that the more you resist, the more you push back, the more you will create a world that feels frustrating and out of your control. Keep asking yourself, is this something in my control or can I let it go? Do not get attached to the outcome, and remind yourself that living in this place is the opposite to creating the ease and flow you seek. Trust in the process - “this too shall pass” - whether you attach an emotion to it or not. Trust and acceptance will bring the joy and freedom you seek.

Self forgiveness

It’s natural to feel some level of frustration and even anger at ourselves as we realise that we have allowed ourselves to live this way for so long. Forgive yourself, we are not taught that this is how life is meant to be. Remind yourself why we want to control things, but this is the block to ease and happiness. Instead, when you surrender your plans, release control, pour some love and grace on yourself, you allow the natural ebb and flow to life and let the energy of love, not fear be the guide to your life.

Free Acceptance Tapping Audio

I want to support you in this journey of acceptance, and so I have created a free downloadable tapping audio. Download yours here today.

Categories: acceptance